Greg didn't know I was filming.

Also Known As: Maya is holding her rattle for the first time.

Maya's first Christmas.

We spent Maya's first Christmas with Greg's family. Maya was mesmerised by the Christmas tree, decorations and lights. She also seemed to enjoy looking at the other children. Unfortunately she didn't like being held by other people. I think Christmas was actually a little overwhelming for Maya because she's used to a quiet house with just Greg and I and there were lots of unfamiliar faces and loud noises. Though considering Maya's age (10 weeks) I actually think she coped reasonably well.

An enjoyable incentive.

While I was in the hospital (after the birth of Maya) I was asked if I would consider leaving a day early because they needed the extra bed. The difference wasn't much - we left at 5pm the night before instead of 9am the next day. Before we left I over heard a mid-wife telling patients 'don't bother calling for help tonight unless it's an emergency because we are severely under staffed'. So we made the right decision to leave.

But here's the interesting bit.. they offered us a choice of three incentives to leave early:
1) Three boxes of nappies - Nappies are expensive but we would buy them anyway, so we decided against this one.

2) Two day stays at a support centre - Again probably not cheap but we didn't know if we'd use it or not and if we did need extra support with Maya we would just pay whatever the cost.

3) Overnight accommodation at the Sofitel in Melbourne including a bottle of wine, breakfast and late check out - Yep we chose this one because it's not something we would have paid for.

We had four months in which to use the Sofitel voucher and last night was the only night I could find before it expired. We took Maya for a long walk along the Yarra River and through the city. Then we had a take away dinner in our room. At this point our plan was to put Maya to bed and then enjoy the wine and big screen TV but Maya refused to go to sleep with any light and noise in the room. So after a long struggle we had to give up and turn off all lights in the room and be quiet - which meant we had to go to sleep too. So it wasn't exactly a romantic getaway, but it was nice to get out and do something different. Plus getting served breakfast in bed was pretty nice. If only breakfast would appear every morning.....

Maya in her rocker.

Finally.. a non-blurry smiling picture.

Injections and surnames.

Maya had her first set of immunisations today. It was tough watching them stick the injections into her (yes injections as in two of them). As soon as the first one entered her leg she screamed! She seems to be OK afterwards but she's a bit out of sorts and wants to sleep a lot!

Anyway, when I went to sign her in for her injections the nurse had to enter my details as well as Mayas and she made several comments about how weird my surname is and told me that I should have changed it to my husband's name.

Taking Greg's surname would make my life easier because my name constantly has comments made about it. But when I married Greg I'd had my surname for 30 years and it seemed odd to just change it. Actually I'd always hated my name, but I'd finally gotten used to it and even began to like it for it unusualness. And probably the biggest reason I didn't change it is that I felt like it was a connection to my father, who'd passed away 7 years earlier. But it's still frustrating having the same conversation over and over again with different people - "That's an unusual surname, where's it from?"

Smile - for the camera.

Maya has been smiling for a couple of weeks now after feeds (when she has a full, happy tummy). It's a gorgeous, wide-mouthed grin. I would love to capture it in a photo. However, as soon as I put a camera in front of her she stops and becomes totally memorized by the camera. So the other day I decided to try and sneak a picture of her smile by getting the camera ready out of her sight and quickly moving it across as soon as she smiled. This led to the following blurry photos:

A dummy is the answer.. or so I thought.

I thought all babies LOVED dummies! I know some people are against giving their child a dummy, but I'm all for it if it helps settle a baby. So before Maya was born I went and bought some dummies and decided that I would try other settling techniques first, but the minute none of my settling strategies worked I would offer the dummy and it would be my instant saviour. So the first time I was struggling to calm Maya I offered her the dummy and what happened.. she screamed even more! That's not what's supposed to happen! So I thought that if I offered her a dummy when she's calm and happy then she'd learn to use a dummy. What happened? She did accept the dummy, sat there with it sitting in her mouth (not sucking on it) and then after a minute or so she pushed it back out with her tongue. So I shoved it back in and she did the same thing.. again and again.. until she ended up in tears. I guess I'd hate someone shoving something into my mouth over and over again too. I've tried a few times to offer her a dummy and bought different types of dummies to see if she prefers a different shape.. all with the same outcome. So I guess I won't have the problem of having to take a dummy off her later down the track and her teeth won't be affected. But it means I have to keep coming up with new settling techniques!

Time.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? - Milton Berle

Time for myself now exists in blocks of unknown quantities, dependent on if and for how long Maya will sleep. I never know if I'll have one minute, half an hour or maybe score a whole four hours to myself! As soon as I put her down I race through everything as quickly as possible. Sometimes I get to eat one bite of a meal, while other times I can finish a meal, have a shower, put washing on and write in my blog!

Andre Rieu concert.

While spending Christmas with my aunt and uncle in The Netherlands two years ago we watched Andre Rieu's Vienna concert and I wished that I could experience it live. So as soon as I saw that he was coming to Australia I booked tickets.

Then Maya came along and I wasn't sure if I would be able to attend. My plan was to express enough milk for a test feed and then if she drank from a bottle I'd express enough for another feed. But I struggled to find time to express and when I did have time I couldn't get much out! Eventually I did manage to express enough for one feed and I was able to leave Maya with my mother and go to the Andre Rieu concert! I thought I'd worry about Maya but the minute I left the house it felt good to be out and to be free of responsibility!

Greg and I had fantastic seats - on the floor, next to the aisle, across from the VIPS and about 32 rows from the front! The stage was amazing and the music was fantastic. As well as the classical music, I enjoyed the medley of Aussie music that was played (which included the Neighbours and Bananas in Pyjamas theme songs). We also joined in the well known song "Aussie Aussie Aussie.. Oi Oi Oi". And the finale included Australian marching bands. It was definitely a night I will cherish. :)

Though getting to sleep after 2am and being woken up by Maya at 4.30am wasn't exactly fun!

Below are some pictures taken with my phone camera (hence the bad quality!).

The Unexpected.

• I didn't realise that it took so long to feed a baby. Each feed takes about an hour (with a feed, change nappy & feed again routine) and babies feed a minimum of 6 up to a maximum of 12 times a day. That's 6 to 12 hours spent feeding. Happily the most feeds I've had to do is 8 in a day.


• I thought I would no longer be able to read books. But I find that I am souring through books with all the sitting down feeding time I have.


• I thought babies slept most of the time. Maya 'woke up' while she was still under one week old and suddenly needed play time. And then it was a question of.. how on earth do you play with a new born?!? Plus it means I have less time for myself than I expected.
  


• I expected to be able to saunter around shops and spend time sitting in cafes, with a happily sleeping baby in pram. But Maya hardly ever sleeps in the pram and will usually start crying if I stay still for too long. Also Maya doesn't sleep much in the car. So going out usually results in an unhappy, tired baby.


• I thought I'd be able to express enough milk for Greg to try feeding Maya. But finding the time to express milk is not at all easy and when I try to express I can barely get anything out! Maya is a very efficient feeder!


• Yesterday I attended a mother's group and on hearing other babies cries, I realised that Maya's cry isn't that bad. Not sure if that's because I am used to her cry?! But I didn't realise how horrible other babies cries sound!
  

Don't wake the baby.

While in hospital the mid-wives kept commenting on the fact that Maya was jaundiced. I couldn't see what they were talking about, but every single nurse would tell me that Maya had jaundice and I had to feed her more often to get rid of it. Then Maya started losing weight, which all babies do, but she lost just over 10% of her body weight, which is more than they are supposed to lose. So again the mid-wives told me I needed to feed her more often and wake her regularly for feeds. The problem with waking her for feeds was that she wanted to stay asleep and wouldn't feed properly.

Our paediatrician on the other hand told us that she was a big, healthy baby to begin with and that she could stand to lose a few more grams than other babies. He also told us that she was barely jaundiced and it wasn't really a problem. But the mid-wives continued to tell me that she was losing too much weight and was too jaundiced and I had to feed her more! So I guess a paediatrician is more qualified but when you have one doctor versus every nurse, it felt like the majority was right. I left hospital feeling like a failure and continued to regularly wake and feed Maya.

Finally after many frustrating feeds of waking Maya up and then struggling to keep her awake I decided to drop the schedule and feed on demand. This felt risky but I had to try it. And what happened? Maya would wake for a feed when she was hungry, so she stayed awake and actually ate more, which has resulted in a very good weight gain. Today she was weighed and she has finally passed her birth weight! :) 4.2 kgs!

Today I learnt..

..not to stick your hand in between two cats that are fighting (the hard way!). My 'instinct' was to help my cat Cleo.. but I think I came out the sorest loser.

And that's just SOME of the cuts on ONE hand.

Maya loves the camera.

Maya Loves The Camera


Maya Settling After Crying

Maya - the first two days.

When I returned to the ward after my c-section Maya was desperately wanting food. A mid-wife helped set me up for a breast feed, with Maya resting on my stomach and almost straight away I started feeling sick. I got worse and worse and soon afterwards I began vomiting and continued vomiting for around seven hours until they finally found some medication to stop it. During that time and afterwards I was so tired, my head was muddled from all the drugs they had given me and I felt so ill , weak and dizzy. I couldn't sit up, I couldn't hold Maya and I couldn't even see her properly.

I watched from my sick bed as Greg regularly changed and dressed Maya and put her down to sleep. (Without Greg I assume Maya would have been taken away from me to a nursery.) Mid-wives had to help me breast feed because I couldn't sit up and later Greg also took over this role.

The next day I still felt so ill, dizzy, tired and muddled. In the afternoon a nurse got me out of bed and I couldn't stand at all. That night Greg put Maya down to sleep and left to get some things from home. As soon as he left Maya woke up. I could reach her crib and tried rocking her but her crying got louder. I felt so helpless. I couldn't get out of bed to hold her! I had to buzz for a mid-wife who took ages to come. While I lie there listening to Maya crying, I felt so utterly helpless. The mid-wife finally arrived and she basically told me that she couldn't stay with me and that I would have to feed Maya on my own. Then she said that I looked EXHAUSTED and told me that I needed to put Maya in the nursery for the night so that I could get some sleep. I was shocked at the suggestion at first, but while I sat there alone in the room feeding Maya, desperately trying to stay awake (so that I didn't drop off to sleep and drop Maya), I realised she was right - I needed to get a good nights sleep. I also realised that the extremely strong pain killers they were giving me were making me feel worse so I made the decision then and there to stop taking them.

After a good nights sleep and without the strong pain killers in me I was able to get out of bed the next day! :) From then on I just got better and better.. :) And I was finally able to take a good, long look at my gorgeous baby girl. :)

The birth of Maya.

Below is the last picture of me pregnant with Maya (wearing my stylish hospital gown waiting for my scheduled c-section):

Before the operation I was so nervous! I had no idea if I would feel any pain? Would Maya be OK? Would I be OK? Having the spinal block administered did hurt more than I expected but it was tolerable and before I knew it I was experiencing pins and needles and numbness in my lower body.

Greg joined me (in his scrubs) and I waited nervously for things to start.

There was a flurry of activity and I could feel some prodding on my belly, which I assumed was part of the preparation. And I waited for them to start.....

Then I felt someone pushing very hard on my stomach and I heard someone say that they were pushing on the baby.. and my brain suddenly clicked that they were performing the c-section and I didn't even realise that they had started yet!! The words "ohhh chunky baby" were uttered.. then crying.. then a baby was shown to me.. then taken off.. and Greg went with her. I lay there in shock. It seemed like she was born within a minute and I hadn't had time to absorb anything yet. I was still nervous about them starting.. and here was a baby. And I just couldn't connect that the baby they had shown me briefly was the baby that used to reside in my stomach!

She was brought back and placed on my chest.. and I looked for something I would recognise in her.. but there was nothing to indicate she was mine.

The paediatrician told me that she was very well and that was a HUGE relief. Then Greg and Maya were taken away.

I had to wait while they finished patching me back up and then I was taken to the recovery room. My recovery was deemed good but I had to wait a very long time to be taken back to the ward because they were under-staffed. By this stage I couldn't wait to see Greg and Maya again and it was so frustrating to have a totally numb lower body and be unable to walk anywhere!

In the meantime, Greg waited nervously in the ward, with crying baby in arms, wondering what was taking me so long to return.

Finally I was taken to the ward and given Maya to hold and I saw how gorgeous she was! Here was my baby that I had carried for nine months and she was well and healthy and in the world.

I found Maya's birth to be a shock to me and not at all what I expected. It was so quick and I didn't even know it was happening when it was happening. Though I realise that they probably intentionally don't tell patients that they have started, I would have liked to know. I also felt like I missed out on experiencing labour. I have no idea what waters breaking feels like or labour contractions. But afterwards we were told that Maya had not only been in the breech position, but she also had one leg up and the other leg down. That meant that I was never going to be able to give birth naturally. Maya would have gotten stuck. So I am also extremely grateful to my obstetrician and all the other staff present who brought me my gorgeous Maya safe and well. And that's what really matters.

First videos of Maya.

For people overseas who can't come see Maya here is some video footage:

Maya Katherine - Born 10th October 2008.

On Friday 10th October at 9.28am Maya Katherine was born via c-section weighing a very healthy 4.01 kgs! (I'm still not sure how I produced a 4 kg baby! But I am so happy that she is so big and healthy.)

I wish Maya a long, healthy and happy life.

Gorgeous Maya	A new family.
Dad	Mum
Peaceful.	Gorgeous Eyes.

Pregnancy - 39 weeks.

A quick update on pregnancy:

• Bubs has actually been at term from 37 weeks, so she's been 'ready' for the world for a couple of weeks now.


• Movements from bub are much stronger and harder now and at times she makes me feel very uncomfortable or even sore. But I am grateful for her movements because they tell me she's ok in there.. out of room.. but ok!


• For a few weeks now I've been swollen in my hands, legs and feet. I can't tell by looking at them. I can tell by the excruciating pains I get in my hands, knees and feet. I can no longer kneel, squat, grasp or reach for things without sharp, shooting pains and some expletives!

Belly Pics - 37 weeks.

Parenting decisions already!

After much research and discussions we've decided to choose option 3 - a cesarean. It has the best odds of a good outcome for bubs and that's what matters most to us. The unfortunate part is that it'll take me a longer, tougher time to recover from and I was hoping to experience a natural birth.

We already have our date booked, which is so odd to go from "I wonder when she'll arrive" to "she'll be out by then", but also nice to know that there's an end in sight! :)

Breech Baby.

I had an appointment on Monday with my obstetrician and the bub is still in the breech position. There is hardly any room left for her to move (in fact probably zero room) so looks like she'll stay in breech. I am so disappointed because I know the best outcome for the two of us is a normal, natural birth. I also know it would be a huge bonding experience between the two of us and something I was really hoping to experience. And it is no longer possible.

But those are the cards we were dealt and now we need to come up with a new birth plan. There are three possible options:

• Option 1 - Attempt a breech birth (This is the best option if it works out , however 1 out of 20 babies die or are injured, which sounds like too high odds to me - not to mention the fact that a breech birth is a lot harder than a normal birth).
  


• Option 2 - An obstetrician can attempt to forcibly turn her (but the success rate is extremely low, there is a chance of it ending in an emergency situation and the biggest possibility is that nothing will change at all except I'll be mighty sore and bruised).


• Option 3 - A scheduled c-section (a major operation after which I'll need to physically recover while taking on the demands of a new baby and there's a small chance she'll be injured or end up in a nursery for a few days under observation).

Last day of work.

Yes today is my last day of work. And while a few weeks ago I couldn't wait to get out of here, I am now sad about leaving.

This is the longest job I've ever had. I've been here just over 3 1/2 years now. Prior to that my longest job was just over a year. So even though I may talk a lot about all the bad days at work and the times when I just want to quit.. overall it's actually the best job I've ever had and I've had some great times here. I think my staying here for 3 1/2 years says that.

At the same time I know that I cannot keep working because I am sore, tired and need a break. I am really looking forward to a rest, being able to read and having time to prepare for my next phase of life.

Pregnancy - 34th week.

Today I had my obstetrician appointment and found out bubs is still in the breech position. :( There is still time for her to turn but it would have been a lot better if she'd already moved. She obviously loves lying with her head under my ribs for some reason?! Which explains all the rib pain I've been experiencing and probably explains my terrible back pain.

I have been researching ways to encourage babies to turn and plan to try some of the methods suggested. Don't know if it'll work but I think it's worth a try.

Having a baby isn't work.

Ever since I announced at work that I am pregnant I have constantly been told how lucky I am that I am 'getting out of work'. Some of my work mates seem to be under the impression that I am leaving work to go on holidays or to enter into some life of luxury. There was even one guy who said "You are so lucky I wish I could get pregnant so that I could leave my job!" Ummm.. isn't having a baby more work? 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, many years work?!

Pregnancy - 32nd week.

Yes I am now 32 weeks pregnant, which I cannot believe! There's only 2 months to go!

Here's a general update of what's going on:

• Just in the last week my back has started hurting all day long. I find it extremely hard to sit for long periods of time.


• My belly is growing at a much faster rate now. I keep meaning to get Greg to take pictures but never think of it when we are both around! Oh and I still get told I'm really small by a lot of people and have at times felt that they meant that I or my baby aren't healthy. But I've finally realised that people are referring to the fact that I have only grown in my belly and no where else.
  


• A couple of weeks ago we started purchasing things for the bubs room, while also trying to get rid of things, so that the new bub things will actually fit in the room!
  


• We've attended baby classes over the last few weeks, which have now finished. My favourite moment was watching Greg change a nappy on a baby doll. :) I hope that means he's an expert now. ;)
  


• I am finishing work on the 5th September and am really looking forward to being able to sleep in, read books and prepare for the bub's arrival. :)
  

Focussing on loss.

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”

- Alexander Graham Bell

I saw this quote a few weeks ago somewhere, at a time when I was focusing on loss. Of course I recently experienced the loss of my grandfather.. but I've also found myself thinking about the fact that I will be leaving my job and giving up financial independence and daily interactions with friends. I will also miss time alone with Greg and easily organised outings and trips away. I will miss sleep ins and actually just sleep in general. And I wonder if my identity will change?

After seeing the quote I realised that it is actually easier for me to focus on the losses rather than the gains at this time, because the things I will lose I already know about.. but the things I will gain are unknown to me. I know I am pregnant.. but I still can't fully connect with the fact that I will end up with a baby. I also know it'll be rewarding and I am very excited about becoming a mother and starting a family with Greg.. but I still can't imagine the bond and love I will feel for my child.

So for now I think it's ok to focus on the losses because the gains are still to come.. :)

As one life begins.. another ends.

My grandfather passed away yesterday after a long illness. It is a relief that he is no longer suffering and I hope that he is finally at peace. Though I am sad that he will not see his great grand daughter. He was so excited when I told him in March that I was pregnant and was determined to be around to see her. Unfortunately life doesn't always work out as we hope, but it's comforting knowing that new life is beginning as one life ends.....

R.I.P. Pa

Cairns.

Greg and I went up to Cairns for a week (our last holiday before the bub arrives). We didn't do much up there, except a lot of sleeping, reading and relaxing - which was pretty much the plan. We did explore some local towns, went to the Cairns Tropical Zoo (where we got to feed kangaroos :) and spent time lounging by the pool or on the beach. :)

Greg - on the way to Kuranda	Beach on an overcast day.
Relaxing by the pool.	Hotel Pool.
Greg patting a kangaroo.	Tanya feeding a kangaroo.
A glimpse of the bump.	Dinner.

Movement.

I have been feeling movement from the bub for a few weeks now and it has been gradually getting stronger. There's even been times when the movement has been quite hard and sudden and I've jumped with fright! It doesn't hurt at all but feels very weird! And actually it's very comforting to know she's ok in there. :)

Comments galore.

Being pregnant is a funny experience because people suddenly feel like it’s OK to comment on things they wouldn't normally comment on. Every day at work there's at least one person who makes some sort of comment about my appearance - the thing is their comments vary day to day. So far I have been told you're getting fat, you look pregnant now, your face is fat, your face is splotchy, you're barely showing, you can’t tell you're pregnant, you haven’t put on any weight, etc... Sometimes all in the one day. I'm not sure how I can be fat and skinny, showing and not showing all at the same time...

I also keep getting advice - some of it very bizarre. Things like I shouldn’t have a cat or wear sunscreen because they could cause diabetes in my developing baby. Hmm.. I don't think there's been studies done into that one!

Greg's 30th Birthday.

Last weekend we celebrated Greg's 30th birthday at a pub in the Dandenongs (He kindly postponed his 30th birthday celebrations until I was feeling better :). It was a fun night with great food and company. And entertainment provided by Greg and his tambourine. :) (with back up entertainers Tanya on the maracas, Hamish on the tambourine and Darpana on sticks).

Greg and I also stayed the weekend in the Dandenongs for some much needed R&R. :)

Dinner	Performing
Performing	Awww..

19 week scans.

Our daughter

19 week scan.

On Monday I had my 19 week scan. I was excited about this scan because I hadn't seen the bub for 7 weeks. Unfortunately I didn't enjoy this scan as much as last time, because it felt like it was more of a technical procedure and also the bub wasn't moving as much this time.

We did get to see two feet, ten toes, two legs, two arms, heart beating, internal organs in place, bones, skull, brain, heart chambers, and even some nose picking. haha.

Greg and I also found out the sex (big hint from the colour of this text). :)

I will post the scan photos soon.

Pregnancy 18th week.

My pregnancy is no longer in such control of my life. Unfortunately I do still feel sick most of the time but it has eased off A LOT! Sometimes I do feel sicker than other times (especially at night time). So I wonder if I will feel sick throughout the entire pregnancy? But as long as it's not as bad as it used to be, then I can cope with it.

I am tired all the time now and need more sleep than I used to. But after being so sick for so long, being tired doesn't seem that bad.

I have a new found appreciation for food now. Foods suddenly taste so much better to me. Even simple foods such as fruit and veges burst with flavour.

A couple of weeks ago I started feeling very tiny, slight movements, which I wasn't sure if it was the baby or not? As of this week I can definitely feel the baby moving. I feel little pokes every now and then. It does feel very weird to be poked from the inside. But it's a great feeling because I know that the bub is there and ok. :)

Ohh.. and I have a bump and am starting to look pregnant now.

You know you've written too many emails when..

You sign off a voicemail message with your name. E.g. "Hi this is Tanya calling about such and such. Tanya" Maybe I can blame it on pregnancy brain?!

To my darling husband.

I couldn't have gotten through those first three months of pregnancy without you. Thank you for bringing me my breakfast in bed (because I couldn't get up before eating anything) and thank you for putting up with my weird food requests (such as "I can only eat Vegemite on toast" and "Today I just want to eat chocolate ice cream"). Plus the millions of other things you did. And for your patience and understanding. :)

My body is no longer my own.

So far the experience of being pregnant has been a tough one for me. I wasn't expecting morning sickness to be so bad and to take over my whole life. The constant intense nausea I felt all day long came as such a shock. I had read about morning sickness and I had heard other people talk about it. But I realised no one had ever expressed how bad it could actually be. However, since being pregnant, I have heard women's stories of constant vomitting, constant extreme nausea, inability to function or cope, etc - sometimes lasting their entire prenancies! Why hadn't I heard these stories before?

For me morning sickness feels like I am on the verge of vomiting 24 hours a day (remember a time when you had food poisoning or gastro or drank too much.. remember how you felt just before you vomitted.. that's how I felt all the time). For the first three months of pregnancy I have felt like I have some really horrible disease! Some days I didn't know if I'd be able to get through it or if it'd ever go away. I tried EVERYTHING that was suggested to me and some things eased my morning sickness by like 1% or something.. but there is nothing that ever made it manageable. I could barely eat anything at all.. and all I could think about is what I would give just to be able to eat a meal. I felt terrible if I ate but I felt terrible if I didn't eat.

Happily, my morning sickness is starting to ease now! :) I still feel sick but not as sick as I was. I can eat more foods now and I do have moments where I almost don't feel sick anymore. So thankfully I assume that means I will not be sick for the whole pregnancy. :)

Twelve week scans.

Head on the right, legs and feet on the left.

Head on the right.

Ten week scan.

I've had a few requests from people to see the scans, so I thought I'd post them
In case you can't tell: Head is on the left and feet on the right. :)

12 week scan.

Had my 12 week ultrasound today. We found out everything's going well. :) Heart beating.. two legs.. two arms.. head.. body.. bottom.. and a cute little nose! :) Oh and lots of arm waving and leg kicking.

I've been really looking forward to week 13 (second trimester) when the risks go down! And hopefully the morning sickness will go away!!

Second wedding anniversary.

Yesterday was our second wedding anniversary and I received a lovely surprise of flowers when I got home from work. :) We also celebrated the occasion with a picnic outside.

Clearing the clutter.

The good thing about moving from a place with lots of cupboard space, to a smaller place with no cupboard space, is examining everything you own and determining what you can actually live without. I have thrown out so much stuff and it amazes me just how much useless, unnecessary stuff one accumulates. It somehow feels freeing to get rid of the clutter.

That's all folks..

Greg and I handed back the keys to our old place last Friday.

It has been a hard experience for me to move on someone else's terms (i.e. not by my choice). Life suddenly does not feel like it is in my control. Which is actually true to some extent. I cannot control everything that happens in my life.

I was very happy with where I lived. I lived there for 6 years and felt totally at home and settled there. It is a big loss to me. In the words of Darryl Kerrigan from The Castle "It's not a house, it's a home." I have a lot of fond memories of that place.. it's where I celebrated my 30th birthday, I lived there when I got engaged and married, it's Cleo's first home, ...

I do know that I can make a new home somewhere else with my loved ones (kiss to Greg and Cleo). But the feeling of life being out of my control and the loss of my home has been hard. In fact my immediate reaction was to find a place to buy - to try and take things back into my control! I do love the idea of owning my own place for security, being able to change things I don't like and for the investment aspect. But part of wanting to own a home is also the expectation that I should buy a place - it seems everyone else does it.. so I should too?? I am constantly asked when I am going to buy a house and told that it is the best way to invest my money. But then I don't know where I want to end up living, I don't want to buy something and then have to sell in a couple of years and I don't want to give up my lifestyle. To me lifestyle is WAY more important than money and investments. I'd rather enjoy life and not be stressed about money and be able to do the things I love and enjoy.

Having said all that.. a goal of mine is to hopefully own my own home in the future. But I don't think it has to be now. And if it never happens.. well is that really a problem?

Anyway, there's some of my random thoughts that have been running around my head the last few weeks.. And so I say bye to the old and hello to the new.

An impromptu trip.

Greg and I decided to go away for the weekend, so that our holidays aren't only about finding a house, packing and moving! Using wotif.com I managed to find a good deal on accomodation in Daylesford. We stayed in an old train signal box that has been converted into a B&B. We spent our beautiful, sunny days at Daylesford lake - walking and reading. It was very relaxing .. I only wish we could have stayed a little longer.

Our accomodation	Daylesford Lake
Trying to take a picture of us.

New Year.

My new year started at the beach in extreme hot weather (over 30 degrees all night). We swam, ate and drank in the new year. A very nice way to celebrate in such temperatures I think.

Now that I have a spare second to think about the New Year I must say that I am not going to miss 2007 - the year of two robberies, one car crash, losing our home, a very sick grandfather, the loss of a grandmother, an awful illness... There were good times too.. but the year was marred by the few (unusual) bad times.

I am hopeful that 2008 will be a better year. :)

New abode.

This week we were offered two places for rent. So we chose the better of the two and signed the lease. The place is not ideal - a little smaller than where we are now, a LOT less storage space and I'm not happy with the location. But it's live able and I don't think we will be unhappy there.

Our dilemma this week was whether to keep looking in the hope that we find something better. But we decided not to risk it. And it's a relief to know that we will not be homeless in February!

We'll send more details in an email once we've moved.

Moving.

Sometime in mid December we received a phone call to inform us that we need to move out of our home by mid Feb (due to pending renovations). It came as quite a shock and we're not happy about having to move. We've been here for about 6 years now and think of it as our home. We weren't planning to stay here forever but leaving on someone else's time frame isn't much fun. It means we cannot spend time searching for an ideal place but instead need to find something quick 'that'll do' for now. My holidays are now consumed by trying to find a place and later they will be spent packing and moving.